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The kid can watch.
Wut
By Lenin's beard, what just happened!? Seriously I've had this idea in my head for awhile and this is the first time I've fleshed out any part of it. I don't even know why I did it now and not sooner or later. Anyway let me know what you think. Keep in mind this is my first time doing this (that's what she said?) so cut me a bit of slack.
And now, for some extreme tl;dr...
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The Chairotyans
The history of the Chairotyans is a long ballad of struggle, blood and tyranny. It began thousands of years ago, when the various Chairotyan races were nothing more than primitive tribes squabbling over pieces of land. Although today they all look very similar to one another, the Chairotyans were once as genetically diverse as any other race. The smallest and most tightly knit tribe known as the Varkotians was the most antagonized of any other. Especially by the larger tribes, Arlovo, Netrai, and the Siveal. This oppression lasted for several thousand years, and during this time, the other tribes (which soon turned into nations) became more civilized and industrious, while the Varkotians were still in a primitive state. During the first total war between the Arlovo and the Netrai, the Varkotians were taken from their villages by both sides to act as slave labor for the war effort. The war lasted for several years until the Treaty of Ukstavo (the capital city of the Arlovians) was made, essentially ending the war in a draw and leaving both nations severely weakened.
It was in this time that the Varkotian rebellion began to form.
The leader of the rebels was a self-educated Varkotian conscript known only by the name of Kaiyut Sevkrom. Sevkrom was his family name, but when he formed the rebellion, he would only respond to Kaiyut, which is Varkotian for “leader” (this is meant to reflect his responsibility to his race). Slowly, the rebels began to stockpile firearms and other weapons for their cause. Sevkrom also began training the rebels in absolute secrecy and the other Varkotian slaves helped however they could.
Their first attack was on the Arlovian capital of Ukstavo.
While the Arlovians were weakened, they still held their strongest number of soldiers at the palace of Ukstavo where the royal family resided. The city was also surrounded by a 90 foot high stone wall and Arlovian soldiers patrolled the perimeter. The other Uskavites went about their lives completely unaware that the rebels would be soon upon them. By nightfall, the rebel siege of Ukstavo was underway. Luckily for the Varkotians, many of the soldiers had grown tired and were not expecting an attack on the capital. Lead by Kaiyut Sevkrom, the Varkotians broke through the walls and made their way through the streets of Ukstavo, mercilessly slaughtering all of the Arlovians they found, regardless of age or gender. The soldiers tried to hold off the attack and even inflicted a large number of casualties among the rebels, but the combined skill and numbers of the Varkotians proved to be extremely effective. A small group of Sevkrom’s closest allies broke off from the main attack to assault the palace on their own while the other rebels slaughtered the remaining Arlovians. Lent strength by their combined rage, the Sevkrom and the others effortlessly tore the metal apart. Nothing would get between them and their thirst for vengeance.
Soon, Sevkrom and his squad found themselves face to face with the royal family after hours of fighting their way to the top of the palace. What followed is considered by a majority of Chairotyans today to be the most patriotic act of violence in the history of the Motherworld: the family was brutally murdered. The men had each of their fingers broken and their eyes gouged while the women were beaten to near death and sodomized with whatever sharp implements they could find. In the end, thirteen of the most powerful Chairotyans at the time were hung from the highest tower of the palace. The rebels all raised their fists in victory and that day is now celebrated among the Chairotyans as the “Glorious Siege of Ukstavo”.
After taking the capital, the rebels made short work of the remaining Arlovian cities until the empire finally crumbled and the Arlovians scattered. After that, the Varkotians moved on to the Siveal and the Netrai and so on until they were the last organized Chairotyan civilization.
Once they were the last world power, the Varkotian people changed the name of their planet (each of the individual nations had their own name for it) to Chairotya, which is the combination of two Varkotian words meaning Mother (Chai) and world (Rotya). They also adopted the “title”, as they called it, of the Chairotyans. Once they established a stable system of government, the first issue that the Chairotyans dealt with was the remaining “lesser races”, as they were now called. After the rebellion, the other remaining nations gathered together with what little power they had to form the U.P.N. (United Planetary Nations). The UPN was highly ineffective, however, due to constant bickering over what little land that they held and infighting amongst its members. Surprisingly, the newly formed People’s Republic of Chairotya offered to hold a treaty in the renamed capital of Arkava. With caution the leaders of the U.P.N. agreed and came to the new nations’ capital.
Once they arrived to the House of Arkava, the U.P.N. leaders and their accompanying guard of six were brought to a table with four seats. The leaders whispered among themselves until Kaiyut Sevkrom arrived with a small box. They stared at him as he took his seat at the head of the table. The newly appointed Arlovian leader was about to begin when Sevkrom suddenly stood and opened the box which held a pistol inside. Before the U.P.N. guardsmen could react, the two Chairotyan soldiers that lead them in opened fire on them with their newly made automatic rifles. The U.P.N. leaders were in shock as they watched the corpses of their best men fall to the floor dead. They had never seen such weapons before (the U.P.N. was still using bolt action rifles). Then, Sevkrom smiled while he absent mindedly toyed with the pistol in his hand “Fools.” he began, “Thousands of years of your oppressive leadership cannot be forgiven with words…” He set the pistols v-shaped sights on the Arlovian leaders’ head and fired. The Chairotyan soldiers fired upon the remaining Sivealan and Netraian leaders. “Only with blood”.
Following the death of the U.P.N. leaders, the People’s Republic of Chairotya began a systematic purge of the lesser races, following the national rallying cry: “Forward, oh sons and daughters of Chairotya, oh inheritors of the universe! May all that is lesser be swiftly crushed by your march of progress!”
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Did you seriously just read this whole post?
PinkWhiskeyMuffin's Signature THERE'S NO TIME WE HAVE TO SUPERCHARGE HIS UTERUS
"I have had seven balls of light come off of a UFO, lead me on to their ship, and explain to me, telepathically, that we are all one and there's no such thing as death...buuuuuuuut I've never looked at an egg and thought it was a f***ing brain. Now, maybe I wasn't getting good s***..."-Bill Hicks
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The kid can watch.
Re: Wut
 Originally Posted by Dusty
If English isn't your first language try and find a friend who speaks it natively to read it for you.
Wow. If I can't get english down I'm screwed.
It's funny because I'm always complimented on my english, but then again that's coming from the same people who came to this country on a raft. And maybe it's the illiterate mexican in me but I'm not sure exactly what's wrong with my grammar so could you provide a few examples? And could you give a few suggestions on how to make the change of perspective more seamless (I should've known better than to write that part in at all but oh well)?
Thanks for reading!
PinkWhiskeyMuffin's Signature THERE'S NO TIME WE HAVE TO SUPERCHARGE HIS UTERUS
"I have had seven balls of light come off of a UFO, lead me on to their ship, and explain to me, telepathically, that we are all one and there's no such thing as death...buuuuuuuut I've never looked at an egg and thought it was a f***ing brain. Now, maybe I wasn't getting good s***..."-Bill Hicks
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I break stuff.
Re: Wut
I'd like to add my take on this. Your english is superior mechanically to that of many native speakers. I *really* feel it's appropriate to complement you there. It's better than my SPanish, that's for certain.
I can see what Dusty's getting at, and I'm also having a hard time describing it myself. I almost think that the language barrier is less of an issue than simply the fact that the story is a bit too condensed.
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Foxtrot Actual
Re: Wut
Redtail has a point. Maybe its a little bit too formal. That tends to happen as you study a foreign language. I know the little spanish I actually learnt in high school sounds really artificial, and its not my accent.
I'm not saying dumb it down or anything, but try reading it out loud. If it doesn't sound like something a person would say then its probably not going to read much better.
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