Crossin’ On Over : XAP BringAGun‘s Law

[OdinAshcroft]

Now, as those who’ve noticed, I’ve been slacking in posts both here and in SciFiFur, as the final semester of my classes looms over my head, and an uncertain future is ahead of me…So, after a great suggestion by an a former leading equine, who will now be referred to as “Anonymous Appaloosa”, I put together a list that I dedicate in the name of XAP, which, like myself, has made very few appearances in the past few weeks. So, in XAP’s name, I present to you the top ten list of baddest asses who ever wielded a firearm, be it classic guns to the highest of sci-fi tech. Now, this is a list of entries based on my own opinions and one rule: No mainstream or overused characters. Everyone knows who Punisher, and Deadpool are, so, I tried to go for more obscure or cult hit characters…and of course, my reasons behind those choices. So, lets begin!

10.) Marvel Boy/Noh-Var/Protector



Kree ensign, would-be world conqueror, and now…world savior? Noh-Var is the latest in champions hailing from the alien race, the Kree, which is a Marvel Universe based race of warriors, judges, and “accusers”. Many have come from that race to be both a constant threat and long standing ally to the Earth, the most prominent was Captain Mar-Vell (That is the correct spelling, and it makes confusion between DC’s Captain Marvel a whole deal easier). Noh-Var has the distinction of being both, as his introduction to the Marvel Universe had him as Earth’s Would-Be Conqueror, but do the events of Secret Invasion and Dark Reign, he has go through such an evolution, that he is now the new Kree champion to serve as its protector from threats both extra-terrestrial and terrestrial. With powers both natural to his race, and gene-spliced into his DNA, he wields many great Kree weapons: from self-replicating grenades, plasma guns, to a “pocket battlefield” which can simulate unique battle environments for combat. Of course, the greatest weapon is the newly acquired Nega-Bands, which increases innate powers while bestowing various new abilities, from flight to energy manipulation, making Noh-Var an even greater force to be reckoned with…

9.)Adam Strange



Adam Strange! Born and raised on Earth, the archaeologist Adam Strange, during a dig in South America, was struck by a Zeta-Beam (a form of teleportation energy which can transport beings across trillions of miles in mere seconds) transporting him to the highly advanced planet of Rann, where he became its greatest champion! I admit that Adam Strange sticks out as bit of a sore thumb amongst the other entries in this list, but I chose him that, despite the roots in the Silver Age, that Strange has certainly grown quite dark and quite worthy to be on this spot, having participated in wars between worlds (especially between that of Rann and Thanagar (Home planet to one incarnation of Hawkman and Hawkwoman), and even in the mystery involving the disappearance of the whole planet of Rann! For the longest of time, his equipment was atypical scifi fare: ray guns, rocket packs, etc. However, as of 2004 onward, he’s received an impressive upgrade: his spacesuit now allows him for full own interstellar travel on its own, as well as limited teleportation. He even took up a boost up in offensive tech as the suit allows him to create plasma pulse maser weaponry via hard light constructs with a thought…pretty powerful, when one things about it. So perhaps Adam Strange is a Silver Age relic…but take my word for it not to say to his face!

8.)Star-Lord



Former astronaut, former cosmic hero, and now, badass space marine leading his group of ragtag rebels, mercenaries, and freedom fighters as the new Guardians of the Galaxy. Now, unlike the previous two, Star-Lord has actually suffered a “down-grade” of sorts. Originally, he wielded a costume that enabled him to survive in space without the aid of any helmet, or any form of life support to survive the nearly absolute zero, airless vacuum, as well as fly through air or in space. He possessed enhanced healing and personal energy shields. He also wielded the Element Gun, which could generate and manipulate the four ancient elements: earth, air, fire, and water. The Gun actually served as a portal in space, drawing the above elements from the planet. While the supply of these was practically limitless, removal of excessive amounts of one form may have up set the balance on that planet, with catastrophic consequences. The use of the Element Gun was limited only by Star-Lord's will, focus, and imagination. He also had a sentient space craft known as Ship, which developed a rather unhealthy “crush” on him.

However, after a series of events which included the loss of Ship through a black hole, and a very destructive battle to subdue “The Fallen One”, the first of Galactus’ heralds, Star-Lord lost nearly everything, barely making it out with his life. Disgraced, he became Peter Quill (his real name) once more. He lost all of his vastly impressive technology, and lost a part of his humanity as he was forced into cybernetics to save his life. Now, his new implants, including his left eye, allows him to see all energy spectrums. He also received a memory chip in his brain, which gives 100% recall. However, his period of self-loathing and self-imposed exile, he found himself in the forefront of two cosmic “Annihilation” events, and now, wielding various “scavenged” alien technology and weaponry, leads the Guardians of the Galaxy, trying to set the universe right amongst the chaos following said events. The reason he’s number eight? He’s been forgotten and put through Hell…and he’s come back, better then before. Not a space cop but a soldier of the cosmos, leading the Dirty Half-Dozen? Yeah, he earned it.

7.)Lobo



The Ultimate Bastich, and the Fraggin’ Main Man himself! Its best summed up how bad this guy is to say, in Khundian, his name translates as “He who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it”. The Main Man is so tough, his list of achievements include: Being the last of his race, the Czarians…which he himself killed off! Accepting the contract to kill Santa Claus by the Easter Bunny…and succeeds! (Of course, he also killed the Easter Bunny). He’s been kicked out of Heaven and Hell…on more than one occasion! He’s banned from both, now. Super strong, super smart (although you couldn’t tell by his exterior,) and super resilient, there’s nothing that could stop the Main Man from getting his target…which explains why he’s number 7. Don’t get me wrong, I love the character and his attitude with heroes like Superman, but when this guy is nigh impossible to stop, where’s the drama and development. He’s still a great character…and the best at what he does (no matter what that OTHER guy says…)

6.)Scourge of the Underworld



“JUSTICE IS SERVED!”, the infamous cry by Scourge himself, whom in his time, would cause many super villains to run and hide in hopes of evading him. While the Punisher is infamous for killing legions of “normal” criminals (until as of late), Scourge was hunting and killing costumed super-villains, successfully killing a whopping THIRTY-FIVE super villains, including the now notorious “Bar With No Name Massacre”, where eighteen super villains were gunned down by the disguised Scourge, dressed as the barman. You see, Scourge never had powers, assassinations were carried out by the use of a .50 caliber Thompson machine gun with a sawed-off barrel and stock, instead a folding wire stock, with a special 5-round clip filled with acceleration-activated, delay-triggered explosive bullets. The long running mystery of who Scourge was also an alluring facet of the character. But, once Scourge was captured by Captain America (and I won’t ruin it here), things sort of gone down hill. The name “Scourge” has been used by so many people now, and it hasn’t been the same. Hence sixth place on the list…and now onto the fifth!

5.)Taskmaster



This skeletal featured fiend is a very different type of costumed being. He’s not necessarily a villain but is FAR from a hero. He is in fact, a super villain trainer, who after a short and successful super villain career of his own, went on to train minions for “mastermind” type of villain. He was even hired by the U.S. government to train many of its costumed or super powered agents! But what makes him such a great teacher and worthy for the mid-way spot on this list, is his own “super power”: which is to perfectly replicate every and any fighting style, especially those used by super heroes AND villains. Do not get me wrong: He can’t copy super powers. No, but he can throw a shield like Captain America, kung-fu fight on par with Shang Chi, and of course, match the perfect aims of the likes of the Punisher, Hawkeye, and Bullseye. He’s a master of various forms of martial arts and weapon styles, all thanks to his ability of “photographic reflexes”. What that means is, if he sees it, he can do it. There are limitations of course, like limited by his non-super powered physique so he cannot perfectly match that of super-powered fighters like Spider-Man, while able to emulate their fighting style. Still, this makes him quite an opponent, even to super powered heroes or villains…as you can see by the prone Thor in the picture above. However, although he’s recently enjoyed some much needed exposure, he has yet to achieve true potential as a character and “major player” and that’s why he’s only number 5.

4.)Fantomex



One of the most intriguing specimens of the Weapon X project, Fantomex is part Fantomas and Diabolik, and part Wolverine and Deadpool, resulting in such a stylish and dramatic character. A mercenary whose history is one part super hero drama, one part secret agent fantasy, and one more part science fiction techno thriller, Fantomex is a figure which toes the line between hero and villain, as he has both helped the X-Men in many adventures while hindering them in many others. His abilities derive from multiple brains, nano-active blood, and an external nervous system named E.V.A., which assumes a saucer-like form. E.V.A and Fantomex have a unique symbiotic relationship which bestows a variety of abilities to both parties, but I rather not go into a techno babble of epic proportions and just place it as: Fantomex is a master of misdirection that would leave very few standing if given the chance. His armory and weapons are just as unique, as his white-mask incorporates telepathy-blocking ceramics, and special “mutant killing” ceramanic bullets, which seem out of the ordinary as they appear to have twisted faces. A very quirky character, made to be a parody to characters with mysterious pasts and uses a French accent just to annoy people, only suffers by very few appearances. Otherwise, he still ranks rather high…but not high enough to reach the top three…

3.)Hitman



Tommy Monahaghan, the closest thing to a Blue Collar kind of guy you’ll find in this list…and by far one of the most weird of the group. For the longest time, a non-powered hitman, Tommy was bitten by one of the alien parasites from the over-looked (and thankfully so) event, Bloodlines. Tommy survived the attack, and realized he’d received a few “gifts” from the experience: limited telepathy and X-ray vision, with the side-effect of making his eyes completely black, like massive irises. But, despite this, he rarely uses these gifts, but that didn’t stop his life from becoming even weirder. After that, he began fighting demons from Hell, dinosaurs, and even an aquarium’s worth of zombi fied penguins, seals and sharks! That’s not even taking into account all the big named DC characters he’d bumped into, from Green Lantern vomiting on his shoes after a long alcohol driven binge, a surprisingly optimistic pep-talk, and even took a contract to kill the Joker! (Seeing how he’s running around, you can guess that didn’t pan out). Sadly, what holds him back is the fact he is dead. Not comic book dead, where he could possibly come back, but dead dead. Still, his entire series had fantastic characters and stories, and I’m proud to place him in the number three spot. If you’ve never heard of Monaghan, I suggest looking for his series…

2.)Deadshot



Floyd Lawton, the man who never misses, is a very impressive individual. He, like a good portion of the people on this list, doesn’t have any real super powers, but, has put more super powered beings into the ground then some comic book crossovers. Not to mention, for a man who doesn’t care if he lives or dies, as well as being a member of two incantations of a group called “The Suicide Squad”, he has outlasted many who were unlucky to be a part of said group, in either incarnation. Proficient with many firearms, Deadshot prefers high-powered, silenced wrist-blaster gauntlets as well as modified Glock 9mm pistols (which can also fire grenades and other specialized projectiles), he also wears various specially prepared costumes, with the one constant of his signature, metallic “blank” mask with the infra-red targeting lens over the right eye. Always one of my favorites members of the Suicide Squad, it was pleasure to see that Deadshot has gone on as a main character to Suicide Squads “spiritual” successor, the Secret Six, where Floyd Lawton continues his destructive, but perfectly aimed ways for the good guys…well, that’s not true. He does do some good…if the job pays him to do so, after all. But, not even the man who never misses missed out on the top spot, which belongs to…

1.) Rocket Raccoon



Yes sir, Rocket Raccoon, the space faring…*stops and blinks at the list* WAIT A MINUTE! This isn’t my number one. Hold on a second folks…

(EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. WILL RETURN IN A MOMENT).

Sorry about that…and for the real number one…

1.) Death’s Head



I bet some of you aren’t surprised to see this one get the number one spot, but can you blame me? This robotic bounty hunter (correction, this “freelance peace-keeping agent”), not only became a recurring thorn in the sides of Marvel heroes like Reed Richards, and the Beast, but went up against Decepticons and Autobots, not to mention several incarnations of a certain traveling Doctor (Who, some of you are asking ;p). I mean, this ‘bot has been everywhere, every when, and still remains to this day (sometimes, I like Time Travel, if only it means characters like him can keep appearing even after “death”). When you can face such varying forces and not only survive, but leave quite an impression after the fact (once more, time travel resulting in “interesting” paradoxes and anomalies when it comes concerned to Death’s Head)

Packing an impressive assortment of instruments of destruction, including modular wrist weapon attachments, which allow him to replace his hands with various weapons. These attachments have included various bladed weapons, a grenade launcher, a titanium axe, laser cutter, mace, various missiles (High Explosive, Heat-Seeking, and a Splinter missile that fragmented into multiple spikes), and a titanium shott blaster (sic). He has also uses hand held weaponry such as his neutron plasma accelerator rifle, a set of bolas and various hi-tech looking guns. He carried the majority of his weaponry upon his back, which was covered by a flame retardant cloak and protected by an extremely durable shield, which, all things considered, made clear that his encounters with many contenders (such as those above), were going to be one sided, especially since he’s been of varying sizes many times (from above human size to atypical Cybertronian stature). So, its pretty clear who should number one…yes?

Anyway, I hope you all have enjoyed this list (and for those who clicked the link, the other as well), and hopefully, I’ll be able to post more content in the near future. If not, please know that I’m trying to keep active, but you can’t always get what you want. But, as the Comic Book wuff, I still want to strive to entertain and inform the masses! So, in the end, that’s all I can hope to have accomplished tonight . I’m Odin Ashcroft, and I’ll be seeing you…in the future!...now where'd I park that DeLorean...?

[SliceOfDog]

*Slaps head*

Having watched that episode only the other day, I unfortunately got Xap BringAGun's Law. I... well, I'm impressed and cringing at the same time XD

Also, Deadshot is one of my favourite comic characters of all time :p
In fact, that very picture is in my favourites folder over on DA.

And nice pot-shot at XAP, made my smile ^^